長大是一瞬間的事

高潮迭起的十一月，隻身在他鄉，當你獨自一人面對各種挑戰挫折時，時差、語言隔閡、種種不可避免的因素，促使自己要努力勇敢、內心堅強，才能慢慢消化負能量的重擊，令人窒息令人停滯，能做的事也很表面，找別的事讓自己分心、跟朋友出去喝酒散心、多找幾份工來讓自己忙一點，才能在庸庸碌碌的縫隙中，短暫的忘卻原來自己還有這麼多煩惱。

當然，也是有一些開心的日子，知足惜福是生日的那週的形容詞，感謝大家所給予的愛、祝福、支持、陪伴與溫暖，算是再載浮載沈的汪洋大海中的浮木吧，算是讓我在低潮時能夠強顏歡笑裝作無所謂的支柱吧。「什麼時候你覺得自己長大了？」我現在有了答案，得知消息的一分鐘內，我收拾了我的情緒，繼續笑著帶學生戶外教學。「哇，這就是長大的感覺，擦乾眼淚又是笑臉迎人的王美云。」

原來有牽掛是這樣的感覺，和妳道別的那天，我知道這個再見是再也不見，但我未曾準備好要面對，也還沒準備好再次面對死亡，雖然到現在我時而還是會哭到喘不過氣，但只希望你沒病沒痛能夠好好的逍遙四海，在天上保佑子子孫孫。

謝謝妳的美好。

“Viele sterben zu spät, und Einige sterben zu früh,” Nietzsche said. I guess you were at the right time, not too soon not too late. No more pain, no more suffering.

The ups and downs in November have finally forced me to grow up somehow. Living abroad alone is pretty hard, especially when challenge hits in life and grief comes in wave, you can only count on your own and to be braver, stronger more mature. There’re time differences, language barriers which make you kinda stop sharing your actual feelings with others. Therefore, you would just deal with yourself, thinking I could beat the struggles in life. Then, I tried to stay busy so I don’t have time to feel and sorrow.

And of course, we have good days in life. I felt blessed and surrounded by love in November. You are the sunshine in my rain, my shoulder to cry on. I’m thankful for everything and for having you around in my life. Time flies when you’re having fun. “What was the moment that you grew up?” After hearing about the death of you, I had to pick up the pieces and hung with students while excursion. I have the answer now.

I saw you were crying the day I waved and said goodbye to you. I thought I was prepared but I was never ready to say goodbye to you, yet never ready to smile at death. Eventhough I still cry uncontrollably from time to time, I’d feel better as long as you’re free from all the pain and suffering. See you in the stars.

You were loved by all and will be missed by many.
Thank you for loving me.